Unrealistic Expectations

Do I expect too much?

I think without a doubt, I expect too much from people and companies? Or is it okay to expect just a little?

Or are people and companies all tapped out and can’t respond any more than they already are?

I also think we expect too much from ourselves even. I am guilty big time on this one. I’m human. I don’t have the perfection gene. But still.

Examples

Am I expecting too much from my doctor’s office to write a prescription and date it? I think no big deal, the pharmacist will contact the doctor’s office and that will fix that.

Well, the last thing I expected was to be told by the pharmacist I had submitted an illegal script because there was no date on it.

I was denied the script at that time — and this was after the pharmacist spoke to the doctor’s office on the phone. It didn’t even make sense to her.

Was I expecting too much from the doctor’s office? Probably. Where does it say that my life is supposed to run smoothly at all times?

Mistakes are made and things are not perfect. I need to think realistically.

How about am I expecting too much that the grocery bagger not put the bread in the bottom of the bag and then add things on top? Yes, I am.

Everyone thinks differently. All because I think the bread should not be on the bottom doesn’t mean everyone thinks that way. Life becomes a little easier when I think in these terms.

Causes

When I worked at PaulHastings, oodles of people were employed there. It occupied several floors in the Bank of America Plaza in Midtown.

People had their causes. Animals, heart disease, breast cancer, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, and more.

These were solicitations, of course. I gave to animal organizations and heart disease associations.

By no means was I a big contributor but I managed to give $20-$25 to co-worker causes when I could.

New Job

I left the employ of PaulHastings because my position was eliminated. I had been there nine years and four months. It was 2007. I hated to go.

I landed at a pretty small plaintiff’s firm. Much smaller than I prefer.

I am more comfortable in a big law firm because for me it is easier to fit in. In a large firm you’re less noticeable somehow.

The attorney I was hired to work for was former governor of Georgia, Roy Barnes. It was a fluke I even got this job.

It was extremely interesting. My predecessor was a tough act to follow.

I never fit in.

I didn’t hang out with the other employees. For lunch I went to a local church that had an indoor gym/track. I ran laps. Or sometimes I’d find a quiet place to read.

The job was stressful, plus I was new. I needed time alone to decompress.

Unfortunately, people don’t usually understand and accept this kind of behavior. They might have been expecting too much.

I couldn’t help it. I needed to do my own thing when I had my time. I was taking care of me.

I surmised not too long after I’d been there that the previous secretary realized she’d made a mistake by leaving.

She’d been there for years. The firm wanted her back and she was agreeable. Long story and a horrible experience.

Awakening

It wasn’t long before I was asked if I would like to participate in a Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy event.

I didn’t really go for the idea of fundraising, but I thought workwise it would be a good thing to do.

I sent e-mails to those people whose charities I supported at PaulHastings. I sought out others, too.

The people whose causes I had supported were not the least bit interested in contributing to my new cause of muscular dystrophy.

No one responded. I waited a little while and sent another, more forceful e-mail.

This time I mentioned I had given to their cause and thought they might want to consider returning the favor.

The second e-mail got the attention of one senior partner and he donated. The travel agency I used donated, and some people in my new office gave.

I am naive. It never crossed my mind these people wouldn’t contribute. I was disappointed.

Had I expected too much? It seems I had. I definitely feel I should have received a little more in the way of acknowledgment of a worthy cause.

Is this the fine line between expecting too much and expecting just a little?

This sounds terribly negative, but it’s about right: in order not to expect too much, one should have no expectations at all. Problem solved.

After all, these are good people just like you and me. This was a real eye-opener. It was my issue and no one else’s. A teachable moment as they say.

Happy Birthday

I’m somewhat fragile and sensitive. I have some of the traits of an HSP, a highly sensitive person. It is not a DSM disorder. It is a personality trait known as sensory-processing sensitivity “SPS.”

HSPs are a subset of SPS. Fifteen to twenty percent of the population are thought to be highly sensitive. I don’t know if this percentage includes children.

Dr. Elaine Aron has been researching HSPs since 1991. Research is ongoing by her and others.

To learn more, please visit Dr. Aron’s website. https://www.hsperson.com

I don’t think you have to have the attributes of an HSP to feel this way about HBD texts and e-mails, but maybe you do.

It’s a once a year thing I may do, just letting someone know HBD, you’re in my thoughts, and I hope you’re doing well.

It stings a little if I send a HBD greeting and don’t hear back. This doesn’t happen too often. I just don’t like it when it does.

Is this a case when I should have very little expectation of acknowledgment? Or is this a case when my expectations should be nil? I’m thinking nil.

I’m delighted when someone sends me a HBD text or e-mail. I respond I appreciate them thinking of me. Win-Win. Touch base next year.

In the grand design of what is, it’s just a blip on the screen. I’ve gotten to a spot where HBD is no longer a thing, but it does cross my mind.

Life feels lighter — just by letting go of little disappointments.

It’s People and Technology

Therapists are so interesting. Each has their own point of view. One time I told a therapist I thought I talked too much.

She said, “You do not talk too much. You are expressive.” Thanks! That’s what we pay these people for isn’t it? We want to be okay.

While talking to this same therapist we discussed the fact that I thought people weren’t responsive to things which I considered mildly important.

She told me I set too high of a bar for people. I expected too much.

I thought about this for years when I sensed the ignored feeling. There I go again expecting too much from someone. I lived with this thinking a long time.

So one time I mentioned this to Arlene. I told her about my long-ago conversation when I was told I expected too much from people.

Arlene had a different take on it. She believes it is not my high bar setting, but it’s people. This made sense.

The world and people are changing. We’re drifting away from one another. We’re busy. We’re rushed. Our lives move quickly.

Both therapists are right. I have some unrealistic expectations — and people, society, and the world are always changing.

In order not to be hurt or disappointed, I need to remember happiness does not depend on someone else.

In closing . . .

I know one day I’ll be forced to get a smartphone just to function in society. One day I’ll be forced to get a more computerized car than my 2002 Mazda.

I love the simpleness of my life. I don’t want it to slip away. I’m holding tight as long as I can. I’m expecting things to change — now that’s a realistic expectation.

Namaste.

Comments are always welcome. I would love to hear from you. Thank you.

Sources:

http://www.psychologytoday.com
http://www.allwomenstalk.com

Notes

June is Alzheimer’s and Brain Awareness Month
http://www.alz.org