I’m feeling melancholy — I think. Emotionally I’m a tad different. Maybe it’s the bipolar or maybe it’s me — same person regardless, I consider I rarely get depressed.
I debated writing about it because I don’t want The Bruno Papers to be a negative space. I don’t consider this depressing really. Just talking about it.
A couple of things have been going on that I perceive as negative and it’s caused anquish, self-doubt, and is messing with my happiness. Sometimes being around toxic people will make me a little down. Sometimes all the suffering in the world can cause sadness.
Depression definition
I don’t even know what it means.
Symptoms can vary from mild to severe. Some may include feeling sad or having a depressed mood; loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed; trouble sleeping or sleeping too much.
Loss of energy or increased fatigue; feeling worthless and guilty; difficulty thinking, concentrating, or making decisions; thoughts of death or suicide. http://www.psychiatry.org
I’ve also read you need to have your symptoms at least two weeks to be technically depressed. This is a relief. Surely I’m not going to feel yucky that long.
Depression can affect anyone — even a person who appears to live in ideal circumstances. I think this is me. I do consider my life happy and ideal. I’m just off the tracks a little bit right now.
Three favorite quotes from Maya Angelou
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I know not why these quotes are speaking to me right now, but my head is full of these words. I love Ms. Angelou and have read two of her books — one twice.
My favorite poem of hers is Still I Rise. Suggested reading.
http://www.poetryfoundation.org. It’s about slavery and her ancestral history. However, I interpret some stanzas in a way not pertaining to the intent of her poem. Example:
Just like moons and like suns,
with the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I Rise
. . .
Do you want to see me broken?
Bowed heads and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops, weakened by my soulful cries.
. . .
Maya Angelou, poet and prose writer
The second stanza is the one which speaks loudest. It reminds me of child abuse, not just mine.
Unfortunately, I still feel these vibes every now and then from people I have known a long time. I don’t know what gives there … maybe one day. I can hope.
Another favorite, Bob Dylan, said, ”I hurt easy, I just don’t show it. You can hurt someone and not even know it.”
It’s becoming my experience that some people just don’t care. I have a reader who shared with me after a post once that: ”There are two types of people in the world — those who care and those who don’t.” Quite profound and yet so sad and actually true.
I hope I’m not sounding too contrary —they’re just thoughts. Sometimes it’s hard to get yourself up and out of the barrel. Things are looking up. I’m not miserable by any stretch, just a little low key — things can be difficult.
Things I do to alleviate the blues
I hate to say it but my therapist says I’m depressed when I don’t think I am. I believe myself to be sad at times, but, to me anyway, that doesn’t really feel like depression. It feels like compassion and empathy.
I don’t think my friends think of me as depressed. After all, most of us feel a little down at times but hopefully it doesn’t last long.
- Exercise
- Lunch with a friend
- Listen to my generation’s teenage/young adult music, sad or not, it’s the memory that counts
- Read a really good book
- Interact more with our animals
- Talk to my therapist
- Don’t ruminate on my woes (hard one)
- Focus on good/nice things people have said and done — and for sure ruminate on the random acts of kindness that have come my way lately. Love those.
- And, of course, don’t let the turkeys get me down.
Things not to do if I’m feeling low
- Open mail from any pet organizations, especially PETA
- Watch TV. Our minds are not equipped to take in day after day a war, lack of baby formula (how does that even happen?), mass shootings of children and others, Covid, inflation, our democracy on the fence. I believe these are contributing factors for me right now. Times are tough.
- Don’t hang around negative people. I usually don’t anyway.
- Don’t oversleep.
- No alcohol. I’ve turned into a teetotaler as I’ve aged.
- Compare myself to others in any way, shape, or form. I’m late, but I realize no other person has anything I want. I don’t want to be like them, live like them, or share friends with them. I have finally come into my own — I hope and think. I think I’m an okay human being who isn’t jealous or envious of others (maybe, but rarely). I sure want to avoid that!
That’s all for now
It’s been almost two weeks since I started writing this piece. I’m feeling good today and that’s after sitting in a dental chair for a couple of hours!
I’ve experienced a sprinkling of real wing-dingers during these past two weeks — but nothing to put me over the edge — HaHa!
It’s all life, just how you live and handle things. I’ve been through worse, but I come out a survivor. I have had to learn this on my mental journey.
Things finally start looking up and they are now.
Thank you for reading as always!
Namaste 🙏
💛💙
missed you
had you on me mind
glad you are back
give paul a hug
walk slow wednesday
walk slower thursday
love,
ernst
I missed publishing as well. Likewise, you have been in my thoughts. Will walk slow and slower per your instructions. Trust all is well. Take it easy. Thank you for reading and commenting. Love, Y.
Thinking of you Yvonne! Good to see you’re back at it.
Thank you, Carter. It was strange being away. Have a beautiful day. Love and thanks,
Yvonne
It was great to see you at the party! Keep up your writing… that’s the best therapy ☺️
Yes Maggie, it was nice seeing your family and meeting Wesley. You are so right —writing is the best therapy. A favorite quote of mine is Joan Didion’s, “I don’t know what I think until I write it down.” Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. Love, Yvonne
This is one of my favorite posts ever! It’s one that I will read and continue to read in the future.
I love the picture. It’s worth framing!
Lona 😊
Hi Lona, thank you so much for your kind words. I am so glad you find some benefit from some of these posts. It’s humbling. Thank you for reading and for leaving a comment. With much love, Yvonne
Hi Lona, how are you? Thank you so much for your kind words. It makes me happy that you are getting some benefit from what I post. It is humbling. I think I took that photo but I’m having a hard time figuring out exactly where it is. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. Take care, Yvonne
I’m fortunate to know you. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
Ada, Ada, Ada, I am fortunate to know you. I love our story. Sometimes it feels like I shouldn’t be putting myself out there. Other times, it’s “Oh what the heck.” That one is more fun. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. Much love, Yvonne
Glad to see this. I don’t keep up with when this should appear in my mailbox but always feel good when it does. Looks like others agree.
Hey Harriet, thank you for your kind words. Definitely appreciate them. Thank you for reading the blog, and thank you for the comment.
Wonderful post Yvonne. You are a very special person. Thank you for being my friend. And yes, listen to Ernst! 🙂
How nice to hear from you, Marijke. First things first: the best thing to do is to do what Ernst says. He won’t lead you astray. You’re kind to use the word special about me. Those kinds of words are a good bolster. Thank you for your generosity of words. You’ll always have a place in my heart. You and your family are the finest family I have ever had the pleasure of spending time with. Trust your grand babies are all doing well. Thank you for reading and for leaving a comment. So very nice hearing from you. Always friends. Love, Yvonne
Loved the art piece! Great colors.
Enjoyed reading your piece as usual
Let’s have lunch soon !!
Hey Cheryl, thank you for your nice compliment about the colors in the artwork. Yes, we MUST get together for lunch soon. Glad you enjoyed the piece. Thank you for reading and thank you for leaving a comment. With love, Yvonne
I understand about feeling down and blue. You are a strong courageous woman Yvonne, I can tell. I saw strength and resilience in you too when we were children. I have several people in my family who also are bipolar, and I see first hand the ups and downs of emotions they go through. I fight those down emotions more often than I would like, but always try to be upbeat and turn to my faith and friends. Family illness and COVID has caused a change in me, and I’m now trying to take care of me more. If those are some of your flowers, they are beautiful! Working outdoors is always therapeutic! I love your attitude and spirit, and always your writing too. You’re in my heart sweet friend❤️
Hi Judy, I know your heart is heavy with things these days. Glad you were able to make some carve outs for you and your health. Health is so important. I always appreciate your kind words about my writing and such. They mean so much and they keep me going.
Unfortunately, I cannot take credit for the photo of the flowers. However, it is nice that the internet has free stock photo sites. I probably got that from pxhere.com.
It’s always wonderful hearing from you. Thank you so much for reading and for leaving a comment.
As always,
Yvonne