I’m feeling melancholy — I think. Emotionally I’m a tad different. Maybe it’s the bipolar or maybe it’s me — same person regardless, I consider I rarely get depressed.
I debated writing about it because I don’t want The Bruno Papers to be a negative space. I don’t consider this depressing really. Just talking about it.
A couple of things have been going on that I perceive as negative and it’s caused anquish, self-doubt, and is messing with my happiness. Sometimes being around toxic people will make me a little down. Sometimes all the suffering in the world can cause sadness.
I don’t even know what it means.
Symptoms can vary from mild to severe. Some may include feeling sad or having a depressed mood; loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed; trouble sleeping or sleeping too much.
Loss of energy or increased fatigue; feeling worthless and guilty; difficulty thinking, concentrating, or making decisions; thoughts of death or suicide. http://www.psychiatry.org
I’ve also read you need to have your symptoms at least two weeks to be technically depressed. This is a relief. Surely I’m not going to feel yucky that long.
Depression can affect anyone — even a person who appears to live in ideal circumstances. I think this is me. I do consider my life happy and ideal. I’m just off the tracks a little bit right now.
Three favorite quotes from Maya Angelou
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I know not why these quotes are speaking to me right now, but my head is full of these words. I love Ms. Angelou and have read two of her books — one twice.
My favorite poem of hers is Still I Rise. Suggested reading.
http://www.poetryfoundation.org. It’s about slavery and her ancestral history. However, I interpret some stanzas in a way not pertaining to the intent of her poem. Example:
The second stanza is the one which speaks loudest. It reminds me of child abuse, not just mine.
Unfortunately, I still feel these vibes every now and then from people I have known a long time. I don’t know what gives there … maybe one day. I can hope.
Another favorite, Bob Dylan, said, ”I hurt easy, I just don’t show it. You can hurt someone and not even know it.”
It’s becoming my experience that some people just don’t care. I have a reader who shared with me after a post once that: ”There are two types of people in the world — those who care and those who don’t.” Quite profound and yet so sad and actually true.
I hope I’m not sounding too contrary —they’re just thoughts. Sometimes it’s hard to get yourself up and out of the barrel. Things are looking up. I’m not miserable by any stretch, just a little low key — things can be difficult.
Things I do to alleviate the blues
I hate to say it but my therapist says I’m depressed when I don’t think I am. I believe myself to be sad at times, but, to me anyway, that doesn’t really feel like depression. It feels like compassion and empathy.
I don’t think my friends think of me as depressed. After all, most of us feel a little down at times but hopefully it doesn’t last long.
- Lunch with a friend
- Listen to my generation’s teenage/young adult music, sad or not, it’s the memory that counts
- Read a really good book
- Interact more with our animals
- Talk to my therapist
- Don’t ruminate on my woes (hard one)
- Focus on good/nice things people have said and done — and for sure ruminate on the random acts of kindness that have come my way lately. Love those.
- And, of course, don’t let the turkeys get me down.
Things not to do if I’m feeling low
- Open mail from any pet organizations, especially PETA
- Watch TV. Our minds are not equipped to take in day after day a war, lack of baby formula (how does that even happen?), mass shootings of children and others, Covid, inflation, our democracy on the fence. I believe these are contributing factors for me right now. Times are tough.
- Don’t hang around negative people. I usually don’t anyway.
- Don’t oversleep.
- No alcohol. I’ve turned into a teetotaler as I’ve aged.
- Compare myself to others in any way, shape, or form. I’m late, but I realize no other person has anything I want. I don’t want to be like them, live like them, or share friends with them. I have finally come into my own — I hope and think. I think I’m an okay human being who isn’t jealous or envious of others (maybe, but rarely). I sure want to avoid that!
That’s all for now
It’s been almost two weeks since I started writing this piece. I’m feeling good today and that’s after sitting in a dental chair for a couple of hours!
I’ve experienced a sprinkling of real wing-dingers during these past two weeks — but nothing to put me over the edge — HaHa!
It’s all life, just how you live and handle things. I’ve been through worse, but I come out a survivor. I have had to learn this on my mental journey.
Things finally start looking up and they are now.
Thank you for reading as always!