This is a negative word for sure. I was abandoned by my dad when I was 14 and living in Florida. I am a retiree now so that was many moons ago. This still lives in me though and affects things even as I have grown older. I still worry sometimes that my husband will leave me. In an odd sort of way I could say that I felt abandoned by Bruno when he died. Perhaps you have been abandoned in some form or fashion, but I sure hope not.
Left in My Mother’s Care
My mother was abusive. I often wonder what my life would have turned out to be like if that hadn’t been the case. Naturally, being abusive in any way is mental illness. My dad had set up appointments for her to see a doctor but she would not go. She once threw an iron at him, missed him (thankfully), but it left a big dent at the bottom of the old white refrigerator. See that dent clearly in my head to this day. Whatever.
My parents had been married for 13 years or so and divorce was on the horizon. I had always believed that I had had an idyllic childhood in my small hometown in rural Kentucky, and I actually did despite the fact that a therapist or two has tried to convince me otherwise. The population was about 2,000, and people always added that was counting the dead twice. I loved it there. I still maintain I had a good childhood despite the abuse I received from my mother. I have to say that my dad was a bit abusive as well (not to mention an alcoholic) because he was complicit with the way she treated me and never intervened in my behalf. We moved to Florida when I was 13.
Kentucky to Florida to Kentucky
It was 1968 when we moved to Florida. We had been in Florida a little over a year when one night my dad tells my mother that he’s going to go to Kentucky for Christmas. As it turns out, I went with him on that trip. I remember it being freezing cold because the windows were open so he wouldn’t fall asleep while driving. My dad left me with my grandmother. He went off to do whatever his plan was and came back to pick me up and we returned to Florida once business has been accomplished.
We return to Florida. We walk in the door. My mother, sitting in a chair, asks, “So, when are you going back?” My dad replies, “In about a month.” He was returning to his high school sweetheart.
Abandonment to be continued …